New office words

-New Words for 2006

TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking sh!t.

BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline
was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps
on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement
by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream
only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles

PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a
cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going
on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be
cake.)

SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies
turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay
home with the kids or start a "home business".

SINBAD. single working girls Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an
electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above
the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often

profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia"
- needless paperwork and processes.

404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message
"404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not
be located.

OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that
you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')

BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after
a booze cruise at 3am.

BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home
after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you
live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

BREAKING THE SEAL. Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours
of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to
the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the
night.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical
adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from
the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear
to show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive
when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth
seeing.

MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go:
"Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while
you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive
people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning
before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves
a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

PEARLHARBOUR. Cold (weather). An example of it would be -

"It's a bit Pearl Harbor" out there (there's a nasty nip in the air)

PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks
like she's got four buttocks

SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person

SWAMP-DONKEY A deeply unattractive woman

TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women

AEROPLANE BLONDE. One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

GOING FOR A McSHIT. Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food,
you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to
them is that you'll buy their food afterwards. This known as a McShit with Lies.